The Thoughts Of An Isolated Man-Child

Hey folks. Lately I’ve had tons and tons of thoughts. Thoughts about life in the tree, leaf, and forest way. Thoughts about how to live life, and what life is. Thoughts about religion and spirituality and logical skepticism and scientific reasoning. Thoughts about goals and money and honor and fame.

How does one live life? I really have no clue. Our bodies just live and don’t seem to ask the question. Animals don’t ask the question. But we aren’t just physical bodies or animals. We have self-consciousness. I can’t tell you how to live life so don’t ask me. With me it’s……. Pursue goals and don’t stop pursuing goals. It’s recognizing that anyone who say’s “I’m complete.” or “I have the answer.” or “I’m an enlightened Buddha after 20 years of meditating.” is deceiving themselves. I’ve realized that being done is not that answer. It’s about never being complete never being done. Being natural….. Our natural selves. It’s about moving forward unceasingly…… Because to quit is a figurative death. Balance is a must though.

Now what is life? Life is simply our environment and our internal world. That’s it. It’s very complicated and very simple. It’s very detailed down to the carbon atoms seen by IBM microscopes and all of the shadows and colors and angles and visual oddities on trees figuratively and literally. It’s very simple like a generalized term “the universe.” One simple representational idea representing it. Balance is a must though. Balance between the tree view and the forest view to see the picture clearly. But this is my own truth…. and what I’ve learned is every one on Earth is an island. Unique islands. And there is no way to communicate our subjective experience correctly in the same way we communicate the objective experience of say the color of a flower or the shape of a triangle. I value seeing things clearly but I’ve learned that I’m me and everyone else has their own values. Some are warriors, some are business tycoons, some are preachers, some are con artists, some are murderers, some intellectuals and some guys with the common sense to use every tool there is. Behind all of that is what drives them which is unique to them.

My goal is to be myself and to stop trying to be some fictional perfect person. My goal is to pursue goals. My goal is function somewhat despite my mental illnesses that goes by the stereotype label ocd. Yeah. Those were some of the thoughts that I happened to remember or happened to just write.

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“Black Stallion” (a poem)

Listen to the elegant trots of the proud and obsidian black stallion

Watch it as it swiftly soars like a rapid paragon falcon through the mountain

A smell of grey smoke as it rips through the boundlessly upward streets

A taste of golden glory as it violently rests on the top of that great peak

Felt like a crisply clear movie scene from a dream within a mares nightmare

More human than even us as it trapped in sorrow huffs and puffs

like a black dragon seeking a diamond in the rough

much similar to us, lusting for love

heart shattered like us, when it is not found

like people trapped in these vicious heart cycles all year round

I’m that stallion you’re that stallion WE’RE that stallion

seeking the figurative youth fountain right back on top of that lost and long forgotten mountain…..

“Justice Isn’t Equivalent to Empathy”

“Justice Isn’t Equivalent to Empathy”

The good of the many is only considered by the few

For conformity and mediocrity are the majority’s vital organs

but contrastingly, those who occupy Earth’s poles in truth

are oppositely, not in the slightest concerned with our destruction

but simultaneously, conforming with intellectual simplicity

and they too, are the few, so don’t get too down in the dumps

The fiery and angelic monster’s though are but statistically

absolute anomalies in this tornadic maelstrom of chaotic causality

It’s only those monstrosities that break through the walls of the impossible

Intuition far exceeds logical or visceral reasoning – it’s entirley unstoppable

Pessimism is far closer to the Truth though in all actuality, I’m negative

Humanity won’t live forever but we must remain strong and positive

And maybe we’ll make it – just, just, maybe we’ll make it.

“Addiction” (a poem I just wrote)

Addiction is tantamount 2 Nietzsche’s eternal recurrence

or the planet Earth’s past future & present

It’s the washing machine like hurricane of the seasons

Blurring the thin lines between blue red and bright sins

A fine gradient of black gray & white — this fight

To win get up as soon as you can — fast as light

Lest you sink deep within the depths of this torturous storm

pleasure is equivalent to pain — a mask revealing Devil horns

But like they say, “If there’s a will there’s a way

And if there’s a way — there’s an eraser for gray days

the personification of the sun, returning takes strength…

The Ballad of the Boxer

The Truth trumps day dreams

The hear leads to playscenes

Madness and conformity within necesseties

That don’t exist, But we must persist through time

Out in the distance beyond limitations

Feeling it out inside these rhymes

water coalescing ripples and waves

seeking the answer where none can save

behave blend in like a perfect machine

lost in the plays and dreams the seem to leave…

But it was a mistake an escape from our deterministic fate

I Don’t Know

The mind is a tricky thing. Mental health is even more tricky. Nowadays everything is a disorder and disorder is not synonymous with a disease but a deviation from the norm… Whatever that is. The mystery — the ultimate questions reside in our minds. Outside knowledge is helpful because there is no difference between in and out. I lead not a perfect life so I can’t say no regrets. But with every misfortune lies a fortune and vice versa. WISDOM. Transcendence. Transcending what? Nothing. Intuition. What is it? Some say gut feelings. My thoughts on it? I don’t know to be honest. All I know is we must persist but not desperately. A calm desperation if anything because life is difficult. I bet if I checked I’d find an exponential increase in psych patients due to the media/musicians obsession with it and the stranglehold mental health has on us as individuals. There are mental illnesses sure. But often we may project knowledge inplanted in us and become mentally ill. Have you noticed all the songs nowadays using the word crazy? It’s a fad… Hopefully a passing one. The solution? I have none as of yet except to fight that’s it.

I’ve realized that I’m not as smart as I always thought. That I’m not all that and a bag of chips ya know? Sure I have common sense but I also lack it on specific things. I guess we all have our blind spots in our mind vehicle. I want to be original but even the need for being original is an unoriginal idea planted in my mind. I wanted to be a success and still do. Things are easier than we think and also simultaneously more difficult than we think. Limitations of language? I don’t know.